Who I Will Be

Who i will be? well thats a very good question! I really don't have my nind set up to someting. I really don't know who i will be! i sometimes get mad at myself for not knowing who i really want to be!
I am presently about to obtain my associates degree with general studies and major in spanish. I really don't know how this can help me.I really didn't want to study this but because of the circumstances i live in i guess i didn't had no other chance. I had a dream to study something that involves tourism but i couldn't because i didn't had enough money for that type of career. I really wanted to help others too, starting with my family. I still have this big dream, this dream of bieng someone special in life. i want to be an independent woman, who can live her life helping others who really are in need. I grew in a very poor village. And i would like to see that my village prospers someday with my help. I wnt to set an example to my sisters and also i would really like to make my parents proud of me.
When i go aroun and see in what circumstances some people live i get frustrated! The first thing that happens in my mind is how could this be possible? ieng lots of rich families why don't they do something to better these people? Why does the government, being the most powerful, why don't they help this people?
I want to say that if someday i can do something for this people, i'll do it. no matter what! When i die i want people to remember me as a person who cared for others. I would really like to do something to help my society! but somthimes i don't really know what to do. I just hope thaat some day my dream could come true!..

Who I Am

Minerva Marin, Journal Entry.

WHO I AM

     My name is Minerva Marin, presently twenty years old and residing at my aunt’s house. Well I try to live my life as happy as I can and to do my very best always but there are sometimes that things just don’t go how I would like them to go. I was in a relationship just minutes ago and now I feel that I am all alone just some small things that I am not even sure if it was my fault or not, not that I am trying to blame things on others but I find it difficult to be me. I really like to be honest and want that others around me be honest too.  I am a responsible kind of person but now a day I just tend to forget things a lot and don’t know why. I don’t like to lie and as a matter of fact I can’t lie even though I am willing to do it I just can’t do it, and I thing that it is because of my good. From my parents I see forward to obtain love and care. Also I look for that from all my family members.  When it comes to my partner I want honesty, trustworthiness and loyalty. When I say something which I really would love to happen I mean it. I am not that much of an active person but I like sports and I am afraid of getting involved in it. I just love to watch football games as well as basketball games. Nevertheless I think that I am not good at it and don’t want to be embarrassed and that is the main reason for me not to get involved in sports.  I really think and am pretty sure that I hove a low self esteem because I can’t really tell my talents in fact, I don’t even think that I have talents because everything I do ends up being a disaster most of the time. Just to give an example I have been in two different relations and on both I end up hurt and losing. The only thing I am good at is at being alone and having intrapersonal communication. I love being alone and try to meditate and think of all the things that happen to me and try to find an answer to my questions. Another thing which I really enjoy doing is dealing with mathematical problems but my weakness is that as soon as I do a mistake I can’t solve the problem and if seek for help I would always end up getting myself confused. Am not that much of a patient person and I want that people have me patience, I see this wrong because why would I ask for patience when me myself don’t have it for others! Really I don’t understand myself at times! I think that some of my strengths is that I am kind to others and I would like to help others as soon as I have the opportunity to do so, that is one of the things my aunt does and I see her as a role model. She is the one that is presently paying me my education and she is good and cares for me. I really thing that to improve my weaknesses I would need a lot of help from others and especially have the courage to fight against them. I must always try to think positive and would want to become a better person. Actually my current role as a student is to do all my best, as a friend is to be friendly and try to guide my friends to keep aiming for what they want to achieve. My role as a family member is to make my family proud of my achievements and also to become who I want to be in order for them not to be ashamed of me. Well when it comes to roles with a partner I just want to say that I will try to tell thing straight to the point and be more serious than I actually am, also to try to really show my feelings and tell what I really think. I have learned that a partner is there to be with you in good and in the bad times. I will try to fight against all odds!! It will be for my happiness!! Think Positive!! And that thing and circumstances happen for one reason!!

Minerva Marin, March 2, 2011, PD 275

     Theories of the Neurotic Needs that Karen Horney came up with are today considered one of the best theories that ever existed. Karen Horney looked at neurosis in different perspectives in which she said that it was much more continuous with normal life than other theorists believed. To add more to this she also saw neurosis as an attempt to make life bearable as an interpersonal controlling and coping technique. Karen thought that the fact of thinking that neurosis in adults is caused by abuse or neglect in one’s childhood was a tremendous mistake. She rejected opinions of others who believed neurosis was, like more severe mental conditions, a negative malfunction of the mind in response to external stimuli, such as bereavement, divorce or negative experiences during childhood and adolescence. She gave it a name of ‘parental indifference’ to the culprit behind neurosis. Horney said that the key thing one must do to understand this concept of neurosis is the child’s perception and not the parent’s intentions. The reason for this is that a child can feel that he/she doesn’t have or get warmth and affection if a parent is occupied or neurotic themselves, laughs and makes fun of children and doesn’t fulfill promises. Horney developed and named ten particular neurotic needs and to her perspective these are based on things that all humans need and maybe sometimes these are miscarried due to difficulties that have occurred within their lives on past occasions. Furthermore when she began more indebt investigations of these Neurotic Needs she came up with a conclusion that these can be joined and broaden into three topics rather than ten of them. The first one is Compliance, the second is Aggression and the third one is detachment. The Compliance category is seen as a process of "moving towards people", or self-effacement. Under Horney's theory children facing difficulties with parents often use this strategy. Fear of helplessness and abandonment occurs—phenomena Horney refers to as "basic anxiety". Those within the compliance category tend to exhibit a need for affection and approval on the part of their peers. They may also seek out a partner, somebody to confide in, fostering the belief that, in turn, all of life's problems would be solved by the new cohort. A lack of demands and a desire for inconspicuousness both occur in these individuals. The second category is Aggression category, also called the "moving against people", or the "expansive" solution. Neurotic children or adults within this category often exhibit anger or basic hostility to those around them. There is a need for power, a need for control and exploitation. Manipulative qualities aside, under Horney's assertions the aggressive individual may also wish for social recognition, not necessarily in terms of limelight, but in terms of simply being known by peers alike. In addition, the individual has needs for a degree of personal admiration by those within this person's social circle and, lastly, for raw personal achievement. These characteristics comprise the "aggressive" neurotic type. Aggressive types also tend to keep people away from them. On the other hand, they only care about their wants and needs. They would do whatever they can to be happy and wouldn't desist from hurting anyone. And last but not least the other one is detachment needs and this category is also called the "moving-away-from" or "resigning" solution or a detached personality. Horney recognized that children might simply try to become self sufficient. All in all I strongly think that these neurotic needs really are very up to life. The neurotic needs can help people really a lot in trying to know their personalities.

Movie-Precious

Minerva Marin                                                Movie Precious

1.       The factors that contributed to Precious having low self esteem were that she was abused by her mother’s husband also that she was fat and un top of that her mother was always  telling her that she was good for nothing.

2.       The signs of low self- esteem that Precious display are that she was afraid of her mother and also that she feels depressed and eats a lot because there is not one day that her mother does not tell her that she is good for nothing.

3.       The defense mechanisms that I think Precious used to avoid dealing with pain were displacement and rationalization. For example she uses displacement when others talk to her at times she answers them in a rude way like for example when the little girl told her that she wanted to hug her baby when it was born she just pushed her and the little girl fell to the ground. Also rationalization she used when the teacher and the other woman asked her something she used to tell lies at first.

4.       The neurotic needs Precious displayed were the neurotic need to restrict one’s life within narrow borders and an example of this would be when the teacher  asked her to give her abilities and she rudely responded that she has no talents. And also she displayed the neurotic need for self sufficiency and independence because she never wanted to ask for help and when the teacher and the other lady (counselor) wanted to help her she didn’t wanted the help at first.

5.       When she entered to the institution where there were only girls she began to feel loved by her classmates and therefore her self esteem began to increase from the time she enter there

6.       Some of the signs of higher self esteem she displayed were that she was now able to know her strengths and weaknesses; she was now starting to be herself.

7.        I learned a lot of things from the movie Precious; it makes us aware that there are a lot of people out there in the world that live the same situation just as Precious and also it thought to me that I shouldn’t let others tell me that I am good for nothing because then that will bring my self esteem down and then I will be so angry with myself and also I would think that life wasn’t made for me.

8.       I would strongly recommend the movie to others because it is a very good and interesting movie and also it will help others and put them to think about what type of self esteem they have.   

Who I was

    Who I Was.

      I was born on the 31^st day of October in the year 1990. I am my parents’ first child and as a result of that am the oldest. I have only one brother and four sisters from which two of them are twins. As I grew up I went on learning lots of new things. From since I was small I was taken to live at my aunts’ house in Orange Walk town. I was taken there since my mom couldn’t handle with me and my brother when he was born. Later I was taken back to the village with my parents since I was the age to start primary school. The only reason why I was taking back to the village was because my parents and my aunt didn’t wanted for me to begin primary school in the town since it was dangerous and they were afraid that something terrible could have happened to me. I entered primary school at the age of five. I went on right through with out repeating any year of primary school. And now I feel glad and proud of myself. Then when the time came for me to enter high school I went back at my aunts’ house so that I didn’t have to travel every day to school. I felt terrible at first. I used to cry at times since I missed so much my brother and my sisters. I felt as if I was alone. But then I realized that it was for my good. I really wanted to get my diploma and so when I felt sad and alone I put in my mind that my suffering will be for something good. Also my aunts loved me and didn’t treat me bad at all. They care for me and look at me as if I were her daughter, her friend and her sister. Until today they treat me so and from the day I left home to start high school I never went back to live there again, sometimes I go but not to stay I just go to visit my family and spend only a day with them. I know my parents and my brother and sisters love me and I love them too.  I also managed to do my high school within four years time, without repeating any year. I graduated from high school thanks to my aunt since she was the one that paid all my high school bills. My father couldn’t afford to send me.

     I thank God for giving me the strength of overcoming my fears and obstacles. I am glad that I have successfully completed my primary and secondary grades. I feel great and very thankful to all of those who helped me on my way. I feel that these are my greatest achievements up until now. I really don’t think I have passed though a severe past trauma since I like how I was and until know I like how I live my life. My happiest moment well I am happy as long as I am tighter with he ones I love and care for. I feel sad when am far from my family. My life changing moment was when I went to live with my aunts living behind my parents and my brother and sisters, I felt very sad.

     My biggest influence for me to have reached up to the tertiary level is my aunt firstly because she always says to me that it is best to have an education and be independent but also she tells me to do things for myself and to help my family to have a better way of life. Since I don’t talk too much with my parents she is the one the talks to me about the things I do wrong and right. I know that she and as well my parents care for me and love me.  

Journal1

Minerva Marin

Journal #1

     First of all I think that everybody needs to have or use some types of defense mechanisms. I think that the two defense mechanisms I use the most are reaction formation and denial. I tend to use reaction formation in a way that most people wouldn’t be able to recognize it. I use this in order to fit in sometimes. Sometimes I also use it for my own protection, because if someone tells me bad things about me and tries to get me feeling bad for being or doing what I do or have done I will more than likely act as if I didn’t wanted to do it so in others words I go against my own principles. The other type of defense mechanism that I honestly think that I almost always use id denial. I use denial on many occasions at home, at school, and almost everywhere when in the event that I don’t want to be seen as the one guilty of having done certain things. If I know that I have done something bad or wrong and my parents catch me I will deny it because I don’t want to get punished. I would really want to try to star using the intellectualization defense mechanism. I would love to because I will be able to think of things in a way avoiding emotional feelings and won’t get hurt too much.

     There are also the neurotic needs. The two neurotic needs that I think I use the most are the neurotic need for affection and approval and also the neurotic need for self-sufficiency and independence. For affection and approval I tend to move toward others. I mostly do things in order to please others sometimes and in doing so I sometimes do very badly. By pleasing others I get into trouble at times and also later I realize that I just do it to fit in and to meet others expectations about me. I am a very afraid person. I am afraid of others when they get angry and mad, it maybe that they are not mad at me but I just can’t help it to be brave at those times and another thing is that I don’t like to be around rude people. I can’t play rude on others and neither can I accept that someone is rude at me. I just don’t like it because I am very sensitive and get sad rapidly. Neurotic need for self sufficiency and independence I also think that this is much like me since when I am in problems I really don’t like to ask for help because I am afraid that the person to whom I ask for help won’t want to help me. I rather prefer to be alone most of the times. When with friends I don’t really talk too much. Am a person that enjoys to be alone majority of the time. I like being alone because I have chance to reflect on the things I have done and also I am always wondering about thing that happen on a daily life.